Forum Flasback...

I found this in the depths of Facebook.  Dude, this show was stressful (I will NEVER do a musical again) but fun.  I played a Protean, so I got to be more than one character, which I always love doing.  My hair looks fantastic.  What happened?

I'm going where the cold wind blows

20 years ago today Nirvana's Nevermind album was released.  Pretty much anyone who knows me, knows that Nirvana is my favouritist-favourite band.  The band that you don't always mention when someone asks you your favourite music because it's a given.  I think no other album has stood the test of time like Nevermind (although In Utero in my favourite) and whether you like Nirvana or not, you have to admit that they changed the sound of popular rock music from the smooth, polished guitar and vocals of hair metal, to the deeper, rougher sound we've become accustomed to.

Instead of posting "Smells Like Teen Spirit" or "Come As You Are," I'm sharing one of my favourite, lesser known songs; one that I think is particularly haunting, considering.

Nirvana performing their cover of Lead Belly's "Where Did You Sleepy Last Night?" from Unplugged.

Some interesting things about this performance-  It almost didn't happen, as Kurt Cobain and the MTV producer's didn't agree about most of Nirvana's choices for the performance, from their choice of The Meat Puppies as guests (MTV wanted someone like Tori Amos), the lack of Nirvana "hits" on the set-list, to the stage decorations (lilies and black candles, which the producers said looked like a funeral to which Cobain said, "Exactly.")  When it came time for the actual performance, Cobain, suffering from drug withdrawal and the health issues that plagued him his whole life, almost couldn't go on.  He was unable to sit in the high stools everyone else was seated in, so a computer chair was found for Cobain, and, as they say, the show goes on.

After the band finished "Where Did You Sleep Last Night," the producers wanted an encore. Cobain refused, saying he couldn't top the performance he just gave.

Kurt Cobain committed suicide 4 months later.

I'm on tumblr.  And... (don't say it) Twitter (shut up!)

On another note, Eluveitie, the Swiss pagan metal band, are fantastic.  I love pagan metal, I think the combination of tradition folk instruments and harsh vocals is really interesting.  Shane wants a tattoo like the one the lead singer has on his lower arm/palm.  You can see it in this video.

Inis Mona is also one of my favourites.  The video is kinda meh, but the song is fantastic.

Let's hate on Twilight, mmkay?

I really dislike Twilight.  Back when I was young and not quite as cynical, I read the first book to be culturally relevant.  I like it enough to read the second, which I liked because Edward actually decided to do something (!), although that thing was kill himself (too bad that plot line didn't pan out).  Anyways, then I read the third book and decided that I was actually curious what happened with the characters in the last part, which had just been published at that time.  So I actually bought the book.  For the full price.  That's right, Breaking Wind... excuse me, Breaking Dawn.  After reading a chapter or two, I kept flipping back to the copyright page, thinking maybe someone had put a shitty teen-romance-paperback in the Twilight dust jacket.  It quickly dawned (haha) on me, that what I had on my hands was a pile of literary crap.  

Pretty much me by chapter 2

I read a little more, now using gloves to turn the pages and a clothespin to protect my delicate nose from the stench of the bad writing.  Then I got to Chapter 18 (yeah, that chapter) and my soul shriveled up and died.  I never don't finish a book... and I still haven't been about to finish Breaking Dawn.  It's just that bad.

Squidward evidently read Chapter 18 too

The thing that bothers me most about Twilight is that Edward is blatantly abusive and young girls look at him as the model for a perfect partner.  He has an uncontrolled temper, exhibits extreme, irrational jealousy and a desire for control (basically the whole plot of Eclipse, and where I personally started to become uncomfortable) and, one of the more disturbing considering the target age range of the books- use of force during sex (the whole "violent-sex-honeymoon-chapter"... just... just... what the hell was Meyers doing?).

Anyways, so time for laughs now, okay?

And while we're at it, I highly recommed the Blogging Twilight series of posts of sparklife.com.  Essentially the guy had the exact same reactions that I had when reading the books, and, funnily enough, wanted to stop reading at the same part I did (yeah, that chapter.).

[T]his is perverted freak fan-fiction, the kind of crap you'd find if you searched the internet for "perverted freak fan-fiction." This isn't lovely. This isn't romantic. This is wrong. It's wrong on every level. Only on opposite day could I say with a clear conscience that Chapter 18 wasn't the very worst thing I had ever read, and even then I would scream, "Opposite Day!" so loud glass would shatter and butterflies would lose their wings.
Jacob loves a baby?! A baby!? He wants to marry a baby?!!?
I made a lot of jokes about Quil, and he deserved the mockery. But at least Quil had the decency to fall in love with someone that could form words, eat solid foods, and support her own neck.
Jacob…I…I don't know what to say. But I don't hate you, Jacob. It's not your fault. It's the fault of your master, the Shadow Queen.
And to those who say Jacob's love for baby Optimus Beyonce is pure and innocent, I say, "PFFFFFFFF!" And if you try that argument again, I will say, "Double-PFFFFF!" So Jacob is going to be a father figure for Optimus until she's of age? What age? Is there a switch in Optimus' belly that can be flipped from "Cute Kid" to "Sexually Attractive Woman"? When will Jacob know it's OK to give Optimus a special hug? Is Imprinting bound by the laws of the government? On her 18th birthday, will Jacob look at her and suddenly realize: You know what? This child that I cared for is actually very sexy. Maybe I should do her. ...

Which is pretty much word-for-word the way I felt about that chapter.  I can't wait to see how they're going to pull of that chapter in the movie.  Or, wait, no, I can...

New Headshot

I needed a new headshot really badly, since I got my hair cut.  I think I look disturbingly tan in these pictures.  I'm not really crazy about them, but I payed $50 for the both at Picture People (shh! don't tell). I edit them myself, and I haven't gotten very far with the one on the left.  I can't decide which one I like more... or rather, dislike less.

Why is it I'm only inspired after midnight?

I've been feeling super crappy lately; I think my thyroid is way off again, plus I have my period so I feel anemic to boot.  I got blood-work done today (a saga in-and-of itself), so hopefully the thyroid thing will be sorted out soon.  But anyways, as a result of all of the above, I pretty much slept all day.  Now it's after 2am and I'm still kicking.
You may remember my idea about playing both Gwendolen and Cecily in "the tea scene."  Well, I have been plagued by several logistical issues. 
1) Costumes.  I have a dress that works for Cecily (the lovely Gunne Sax dress worn by the girl who played Cecily when I did the show in high-school actually belongs to me, score), but I'd need something for Gwendolen (I was never happy with my costumes).  And a fantastic hat.  And maybe a wig, now that I've cut my hair.  It'd be hard for me to legitimize spending that money just for a "funsies" project.
2) Location.  Filming outside is a B.I.T.C.H. under normal circumstances. Outside noises, wind, traffic, passersby, lighting, all sorts of things make me want to vomit when the production moves outdoors.  Double that with trying to keep the continuity between the different shots... it would be like pulling teeth.  I've also had a hard time finding a location that I like.  There's nothing around that looks "manor garden" around here.  Just horses.  And grass.  And.... horses. 

I'm thinking about my sewing projects and blam! It hits me.  Why not set it in the late '50s/early '60s and set it indoors, during a party? And at night so the curtains are closed!  I took a look at the script, and I think it can be done.  I have to do some creative editing around the cake and sugar part (I think I'm just going to have one of the girls throw their drink in the others face), but it should work okay. I was already planning on making some early 1960s wear anyway!  (On a side note, we need to plan lots of vintage-themed parties so I can wear this stuff.)
So, costuuuuumes!
I bought 3 yrds each of stretch taffeta (I got really excited by the idea of stretch(!) taffeta and it was on sale, so...) in these colours

Black

Purple!

Peacock Blue (my favourite)

B6582

B5603

I'm going to make Gwendolen's dress with Butterick 6582, probably view B (the blue), maybe A (black with bows).  My plan is to first make the dress as-is in black, then fool around with the neckline to make it more... Gwendolen.  She does like to show-off, after all.
Everyone's favourite "innocent" English rose has to have a circle skirt, and I found another Butterick pattern that looks like something dear Uncle Jack would let Cecily wear.

The "bathrobe" B5152

The perfect pink taffeta

  I found a pink taffeta for a good price that will be perfect.

The best part is, I bought all this, plus five yards of duchess satin for a vintage "bathrobe*" and it was right around $100.  I also bought lining and sew-in interfacing and zippers. Take that, JoAnns.

The satin for my robe

*It's not really a bathrobe. It's actually an evening dress from the late 40s.  But, it's built a lot like a bathrobe. And, frankly, it looks like a bathrobe.  I'm doing the long-sleeved version and ditching the shoulder pads.  I've always wanted a fantastic bathrobe to lounge about in that I don't mind somebody seeing me in.  My current one is made out of fleece and looks like crazy cat-lady wear.

One Month Old!

The kittens are four weeks old, believe it or not.  It seems like just yesterday they were little milk-parasites.  They really seem like mini-cats now.  

There are a lot of pictures of Skittles today.  She loves to sit in my lap and make cute faces, so, that's how that happened.  Plus, her siblings wouldn't hold still.  

I had to expand HMS Love Burrito, so now it's more of a compound than a boat, alas.  I also flipped the boxes over so the walls would be taller.  Leela (formally Oscar) crawled out about 4 days ago, fulfilling everyone's exceptions of her.

The black cat is now called Black Jack, or Jack (or Jax) for short.  Dad commented how he looks like a Halloween cat which made us think of Jack Skellington... then Black Jack, cuz it sounds cool.  He's kind of lazy, and always has a confused look on his face, so Vi and I want to call him Fry.

See the resemblance? ... No?

The kittens love this bridge. There have been many wars fought for control of the top.

Skittles hanging out in her favourite spot.

Peeka-boo!

Skittles, kitten model

Skittles is practicing her "cat that caught the canary" face for when she will be able to actually catch canaries.

Teaching Skittles how to take obnoxious profile pics

rwwwwr.

"Pssst! Leela! Jack is weird."

Hair cut!

Got my hurrr cut, which meant I had to do a Grace Kelly/Betty Draper style, then I had to put on earrings, etc...

On the Kitten front...  They can run in short little bursts and do these funny frog hop pounces.  They also have teeth.  I don't know when that happened, but it did.  I'm going to start the weaning process soon.  Coco is really sick of them, lol.  They keep playing with her her face and tail when she's trying to do stuff.

"I'm not fat, just fluffy"

In other news, the kittens were three-weeks old yesterday.  I decided today that we should start weighing them, to keep an eye on their progress.  Our food-weighing-thingy even has a convenient kitten shaped bowl!
FYI, Oscar isn't a he, as I suspected.  I'm thinking Ophelia will be her name, Leela for short (Shakespeare and Futurama reference in one name! Nerd-score!)  I would have put money on her being the heaviest, as big as she is.  Well, turns out she's just really, really fluffy.  Leela is the lightest at 19 ounces.  Skittles comes in second at 1 pound (1 lb and 1/2 an ounce with her tail actually in the bowl, lol).  Monkey is 1 pound, 1 ounce.  Which is interesting because their size is actually in birth-order.

I think Leela will find a way out to jump ship from the HMS Love-Burrito in the next couple days.  She's figured out how to stand up and look out of the box, but she can't yet figure out how to get her paws up on the edge to boost herself up and over yet, thank goodness.  They're walking much faster now, but they fall over more.  It's pretty funny to watch.  They also discovered stretching in the last day or so.  It's really cute when they wake up, yawn, and arch their little fluffy backs.  They've also started batting at each others' faces.  I foresee more eye injuries in their futures.

Time to find the sewing machine!

Exactly.

I've been looking for early-sixties-esq dresses (continuing with my fashions-of-Mad-Men obsession) for myself that aren't too expensive.  Banana Republic has a Mad Men collection that's really cool, but way too expensive for me.  80 bucks for a blouse isn't happening for me, even if it is purple and looks like something Joan would wear with a 2010s twist.

While I object to their advertising campaign ("Are you a Betty?"  No!  I am not a Betty thankyouverymuch! ) I still want it all!!

I got to thinking that there was no reason to spend $150 on one of those dresses, when I could make myself one for $50 tops.  On that note, I started looking at patterns.  Then I realized that both Simplicity and Butterick have re-released their patterns from the early sixties. SCORE!  They even have a pattern that would work for my favourite Joan dress, the green one below.

"Prints are so 1959."

The even better part?  Butterick is having a sale online through Wednesday; their patterns are on sale for $2.99.  Am I going to take advantage of this?  Is Joan way cooler than Betty?

The other thing I'm super happy about is What Katie Did is having their twice-a-year sale, and I snagged some great pieces.  For $27 I managed to get a '50s corset, which I never would have been able to afford otherwise.  Now I'll have something to wear over it!

I also need some jewelry and QVC (don't laugh) has some pieces that look really similar to ones Joan wears.  I guess it's for all the old ladies that shop there. ;) The prices are okay.  My mom also has some things her mother gave her that she says she'll give me that I'm curious to see.

I can haz kittehs?

Brand new kittens!

Little kitten worms! 3ish days old.

The kittens are exactly two weeks old today.  One of our barn cats (Coco) had kittens on my brother's birthday on the 31st of July.  Which was funny because all day I'd been joking that it would be funny if Coco gave my brother kittens for his birthday... and she did.

Now that they're two weeks old, their eyes are open, so I picked them up in a kitten-love-burrito (aka, clean towel) for a little bit.  Mama behaved very well, and so did the kittens.  I have discovered, somewhat to my horror, that I am indeed a cat person.  <3

The oldest one is going by Monkey for now.  She*'s looks blackish, but I think she'll end up dark grey with some stripes.  "Why monkey?" you say.  Well, one of my favourite videos when I was younger was a day-in-the-life sort of thing about the San Diego Zoo.  In the video, there was a little black monkey who got her diaper changed and when sleeping on her side, Monkey looks like... well, that little black monkey. I'm sure she'll get a more dignified name at some point.

* I say "she"... I keep waffling about the kittens gender, it's really too early to tell, so I'm being somewhat arbitrary.  I am currently leaning toward Monkey actually being a boy and the other two female, but I'm not stressing too much about it at this point.

Monkey, shown here in the patented kitten-love-burrito is two weeks old exactly.

Two weeks. See how Monkey looks like a monkey?

Skittles is the middle kitten and is an adorable striped cat with a white tummy.  We were a little worried this evening because he was holding one eye closed, but I think he probably got smashed in the face by one of his siblings (see video below...).

Skittles, a little worse for wear.

Oscar (again, not sure if Oscar is really an he) was the littlest kitten, but is now the biggest.  He's also the fluffiest, leading to the name Sir Oscar Mormont (Song of Ice and Fire, House Mormont's sigil is a bear... yeah, we're nerds).  I saw him born, so I have a special place in my heart for this one.  He seems to be the one who is developing the fastest.  He was the first to open his eyes, the first to lift his head, then himself up on two front legs, and now he's the first to zoom about the nest as fast as his little wobbley legs will let him (which is to say, not very fast).  I have no doubt that he will be the first to figure out how to escape the nest.

Oscar wanted to leave the love-burrito as quickly as possible to continue zooming along.

*cute squishy noises*

Awwww! (one week)

One week.

Two weeks old. They've gotten so big!

Du schreibst Geschichte an jedem Tag

So, I was on YouTube looking for a song from a band I used to listen to (Panik) and had completely forgotten about until they came up on my iTunes shuffle.  On the side bar there was a link to a music video titled "Madsen- Panik" and I was like, huh, I don't remember that song.  Anyways, it turns out it was a song called Panik by another German band called Madsen.  Evidently I'm falling behind with my German music, since they're fairly popular right now.  They're not exactly my current cup of tea (I generally go more for metal and industrial, they're rock/punk-pop), but I let it play a video list to listen to, and this song "Du schreibst Geschichte" come up.  My German is decent enough to know that's "You write history" and I could make out that the chorus goes something like "You write history, with every step, with every word... on every day" and I was like, huh, that sounds interesting, I should look up the lyrics.  I don't normally go for "positive" rock, but the lyrics really spoke to me.  That, and the mention of Geschicte made me think of my favourite history major. :D

In English:

Because the world's turning so fast
Because time's going so fast
You're not keeping up.
Because the hecticness won't stop
You're drowning in the crowd
You're a drop in the ocean.

Yet you live longer than a lifetime
You're what started it all.

Because you write history
With every step,
With every word,
You let it continue.
You write history
On every day.
Because here and now
You're a part of it.


Because there's a monster standing in front of you
Looking threateningly into your eyes
You're rather still.
Because everyone's telling you
who you are and what you're missing,
You're forgetting what you want to say.

Yet you live longer than a lifetime
You're what started it all.

Because you write history...

Because you only live once
You want things to change
Before you go, before you go.

Yet you live longer than a lifetime
You're what started it all.

Because you write history...

http://lyricstranslate.com

In which I share my opinion of several movies: The Gangster Edition

I really like movies, not surprisingly, considering my chosen profession.  I am also very opinionated about movies, as anyone who has gotten into a conversation with me will no doubt attest.  I also like movies that are atypical of my age group; I eschew rom-coms for gritty, dark and violent tales of vengeance (mm, tasty).  I do like the occasional film where no one dies violently/horrifically/strangely, but if there's some blood splashin' around, I'll probably like it more :)


SCARFACE (1983) (4.75/5) 
This is one of my favourite movies and I can't believe I only saw it for the first time a few weeks ago (oh was I missing out!).  There's a lot to be said about going into a movie with an open-mind.  When you hear "Scarface" you think of Al Pacino going "Say 'hello' to my little friend!" and shooting lots of people.  Sure, that happens, but there's so much more to the movie.  This is a tragedy of Shakespearen proportions.  Yeah, that's right, Shakespeare*, my friends.  There is so much irony in this film- the characters continually make choices they think will make their lives better when, in actuality, they are making their lives so much worse.  His rise to power and consequential downfall reminded me of Macbeth and his self-delusion as to his wife is on-par with King Lear**. 
This is script writing at it's best- there are no irrelevant characters or scenes, everything provided pushes the action forward. Seriously, I love this movie.

"Say 'hello' to my little M16 with a M203 40mm grenade launcher barrel-attachment!"

Me gushing aside, it does have it's flaws. Michelle Pfeiffer's nose has always scared the shit out of me and the heavy 1980s score can be grating (it could be worse, when the movie was re-released, the studio wanted de Palma to replace the score with modern gangsta rap).  If you can ignore the obnoxious music and go into this with an open mind, you have a hidden tragic gem on your hands.

Fun fact: They say "fuck" a lot in this movie.  226 times, to be exact, which averages to 1.32 per minute. 

* There's even the fine Shakespearen tradition of siblings possibly having the hots for each other!
** Dude, that "her womb is polluted" bit- straight out of act I scene 4 of Lear.



THE GODFATHER, PART I (5/5)
Marlon Brando + Al Pacino = go watch it.  Oh, you wanted more than that?
I've watched this movie twice in the last three days. I watched it once, I really liked it and would probably have given it a 9 out of 10 right there, with my only complaint being the beginning was a little slow and some of the actress seeming miscast (more later).  I watched it again with my siblings in an attempt to make them culturally relevant (that, and my sister is also in love with young Al Pacino.  Lord, those eyes!... but I digress).  On the second time around, what I thought dragged stuck me as being brilliant- the framing that introduces Vitto Corleone (Brando),  and the perfect set-up of the familial relations during the wedding scene.
All I can say is, there is a reason this movie is number 3 (number 2 on the 2008 republishing) on the AFI's "100 years... 100 movies" list and its number one gangster film. 
This is not your typical gangster film filled with drugs and prostitution and racketeering.  The violence in the movie is rather sparse, considering its length, and as a result, always shocking (the contrast of the baptism scene is, again, brilliant).  This is really a story about a family that just happens to be in the mafia. 
There are so many classic quotes in this movie that alone make it worth watching ("I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse." "It's not personal, it's business." Or my personal favourite, "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.")

"I'm sorry, you just said something, but I was too busy thinking 'it's Diane Keaton!' to listen."

The me not gushing stuff: Diane Keaton seems out of place to me as Pacino's girlfriend, but I don't know if that's because she's Diane Keaton and when I see her my brain goes "Annie Hall!"  Every time I heard her voice I went, "Oh, that's Diane Keaton."  That said, I suppose she adds a certain innocent, "all-American" quality that starts on par with Pacino, then eventually becomes his foil.  I'm still not a fan of Talia Shire as his sister.  Fun fact, Shire is Coppola's sister (cough nepotism cough).  I found her to be incredibly annoying, any sort of emotion from her comes out as whining.  (Side note, I found the final scene with her to be oddly reminiscent of Scarface...  When he goes "She's hysterical,"  I expected one of his peons to announce that they got some pills in her and she'll be okay.)  Fortunately, she's not in the movie enough to ruin it. 
Minor quibble- I was very confused during the wedding scene- I didn't realize that the movie takes place in the late 1940s.  I thought, because of the way the bridesmaids were dressed and the hair that it was the '70s (I actually have an identical bridemaid's dress from the '70s.) and when they referred to "the war" they were talking about Vietnam.  Then Al Pacino shows up in a WWII uniform and my brain exploded.  Historical fashion accuracy wasn't cared about in film until very recently, so I can't hold it against the movie, but seriously, I was really confused.

THE UNTOUCHABLES (2.5/5)

This movie seemed like it was perfect for me.  Gangsters! Prohibition! Al Capone! Sean Connery!  Directed by Brain de Palma (Scarface) and written by David Mamet (that playwright with the stuff where they say "fuck" a lot)!  I was really looking forward to it when Shane and I popped it in the xbox.  Right before we did, we debated whether we would stop the movie to watch Deadliest Warrior when it came on TV, or if we would just watch it off the DVR when we were done with the movie.  We decided to just start the movie and go from there.
Right from the beginning, The Untouchables succeeded with flying colours making perfectly serious scenes hilarious.  In the very first scene a little girl walks into a bar after the bartender says something about how he's not going to work with Capone.  The gentleman he was talking to gets up and leaves, "forgetting" his briefcase.  As the bartender converses with the girl about her mother (clue number two of what's going to happen- oh no, the girl has a family!) she notices the case and picks it up. "Hey mister, you forgot your briefcase! Hey mister--" cut shot to exterior view of the bar and BLAM!  Horrific, right? How could those meanie-pants gangsters blow up a little innocent child (with her having a mother and all!)?!  Shane and I laughed our butts off.  The problem is you knew what was going to happen the entire scene, and a scene of dread was not accomplished.  The entire movie was filled with scenes like this.
The most bizarre was one of the last, involving a baby in a carriage, a staircase, and a gunfight (which part of this sentence does not belong?).  As Costner and the bad guys shoot it out, a baby in a carriage goes tumbling down the staircase (in slow-mo) while miraculously avoiding getting shot.  Not only was the sequence one of the most painfully long, it quickly became implausibly hillarious.
The score was also bizarre.  Happy, excited music would play when horrible things were happening (that bridge-in-Canada part, anybody?).
The filmmakers seemed to have realised that there were no women in the movie, and wrote in a lame role for some unfortunate actress to play Costner's wife.  The inclusions of those scenes added nothing to the movie and further messed-up the pacing.

"Come on, Costner! I'm acting my nuts off here!" "Mm... bacon."

And then there was Kevin Costner.  I used to Nicholas Cage was the worst actor ever.  I take it back.  Kevin Costner gets that title.  I have never seen more lifeless acting- there were continual close-ups of his face after something horrific has happened and there would be NOTHING THERE.  He might as well of been thinking about what he was going to eat during lunch break.  As the movie continued, Shane and I started filling in his thoughts for him, "Mmm... spaghetti." "I'm really feeling some pie right now." 
Perhaps the move damning part of the movie was when Shane and I stopped it ten minutes early to take a break to watch Deadliest Warrior- we who never interrupt a movie.
I could go on for quite a while about how bad this movie was, but you get the point.  If you're drunk and want to watch something funny, go for this.  If you are sober and want a good gangster movie... just watch The Godfather again, okay?

You're mocking me, aren't you?

PULP FICTION (1.5/5)
Confession: I really wanted to like this movies. Really really.  I'd been meaning to watch it forever and finally got around to it.  People would give me shocked expressions when I'd admited I'd never seen it and ensure me that I'd love it. 
I didn't.
At all.
I fast forwarded bits of it, and I didn't even finish it.
I don't understand why this is on AFI's best gangster movie list.  I guess it's because of the non-linear storyline ("oooh, artsy!") and all of the non-necessary dialogue ("oooooh, people talk for ten minutes about non-relevant shit, how life-like!" Sweetheart, if I want to listen to hours of drugged-out people talking about nothing in particular, I'll ride the metro).
Part of my problem, no doubt, is I can't stand 90% of the actors in the movie.  Uma Thurman, John Travolta, Samuel L Jackson, Bruce Willis and Uma Thurman are high up there on my "I Can't Stand..." list.  Uma's on there twice. 
Someday, I'll try to finish it so I can talk intelligently about why this film blows chips, but for now my biggest complaint:  I didn't care about any of the characters.  I could not have possibly cared less if they succeeded, or were graphically eaten by bionic velociraptors.  Actually, bionic velociraptors would have been great.

What Pulp Fiction lacked